Item #: SCP-504

Laconic Containment Procedures: Keep the plants and the tomatoes in soundproof rooms and make sure they can't hear their guards. Don't let anyone use or misuse them, their seeds, etc. Try not to tell jokes around them, even if you think they can't hear you.

Laconic Description: It's a species of tomato just like ordinary commercial tomatoes. When someone makes a joke (of any kind) within earshot of one of these tomatoes, it throws itself at them. The worse the joke, the harder the throw: they've knocked people's teeth out over mediocre puns, and killed people over extra-unfunny attempts at "humor". They don't seem to like geek jokes at all.

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