Item #: SCP-2100-J

Laconic Containment Procedures: Put it in a box.

Laconic Description: SCP-2100-J is a brown fedora that makes you talk as though you were narrating your life as a crime-noir drama. The hat makes you compulsively try to keep it on.

Additional Context: The article is based on a joke in #site19, in which Tanhony kept narrating everything as in the SCP. The compulsive properties of the hat are based on Indiana Jones and similar characters, who always try to keep their hats.

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