Item #: SCP-2058

Object Class: Safe

Laconic Containment Procedures: Keep it in a small room when not in use. Don't let it wander on its own. Don't give it anything and make sure it doesn't steal anything.

Laconic Description: SCP-2058 is a tall robot with a digital screen face and a bowl-shaped container in its chest that calls itself Smith Jim. It will take items and put them in this container and the items will disappear. Personnel gave it a GPS tracking device to put in its chest and the GPS kept transmitting from the same spot, but when the robot moved, the GPS signal stayed where the robot's chest was. The GPS is still transmitting from that spot.

A metal screen covers the container so we don't know how it's making items disappear, and there's nothing actually happening in the container, no machinery or computers. People say the inside of the robot is warm at all times.

SCP-2058 gives people very bad advice, sometimes making no sense or telling people to do crimes. It demands it be given small items to put in its chest in exchange for the bad advice. Sometimes SCP-2058 seems to know secret information relating to people working nearby. The more items someone gives it, the more its advice gets personal.

SCP-2058 was found in a shipping crate in the ocean near Washington state. A company named "Stuff and Something, Inc" apparently shipped the crate. The crate was not opened and there was nothing else around it except barnacles and coral.

Laconic Addendum: SCP-2058 steals things, then lies about stealing them. Sometimes it will hoard stolen items in its storage container. One time it was caught stealing and it put the items in its chest cavity and made them disappear.

Some of the stuff it has stolen includes:

  • A pressure valve
  • 150 metal nails
  • 7 bullet shells
  • 17 pieces of copper wire
  • 2 credit cards
  • A roll of electrical tape
  • A brand new computer hard drive
  • 14 computer flash drives used by people working on another SCP

As of 2014, SCP-2058 has been interested in other SCPs, including the one it stole flash drives related to.

Laconic Log of Communications: Some of its advice has been recorded due to it having secret information it will occasionally say out loud. Because of that, it's no longer allowed to talk to anyone except the doctors assigned to it.

  • 04/04/2011: SCP-2058 told Dr. Prynn that researchers were more likely to leak classified information than D-Class and that researchers should be "terminated" every month to avoid leaks.
  • 11/16/2011: SCP-2058 said that ignoring SCP-682 would make it stop acting violently.
  • 2/24/2012: SCP-2058 knew highly classified information about a doctor on-site. This information involved data that has been expunged.
  • 2/28/2012: SCP-2058 suggested using babies as D-Class because they were less valuable than full grown adults.
  • 3/16/2012: SCP-2058 kept saying "There you go again!" in response to everything personnel asked it.
  • 5/11/2013: SCP-2058 randomly asked if something or someone was "the one with blood sacrifices"
  • 6/22/2013: SCP-2058 urged Dr. Prynn to embezzle Foundation money and demanded at least 4% of the proceedings. It also suggested it would pretend to try to escape so that more money could be assigned to containing it.
  • 1/14/2014: SCP-2058 called Dr. Prynn fat and suggested she cut off her legs to lose weight and replace them with robotic legs.
  • 2/1/2014: SCP-2058 suggested that the company that created it does not actually exist and that its employees would not be able to name the company they work for.
  • 4/12/2014: SCP-2058 began talking about an SCP that doesn't exist, then claimed it was briefly in another universe.
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