Item #: SCP-001-J
Laconic Containment Procedures: Do not bring money when interacting with SCP-001-J. SCP-001-J is not containable at the moment but may be able to be contained through creditors.
Laconic Description: SCP-001-J knows everything, has unlimited power and is omnipresent being named Michael Kain. He is worshipped by member of "The Church of the Broke God" SCP-001-J has cosmic power but cannot plan financially. SCP-001-J needs regular income to pay the water bill, child support payments, bread, and hot dogs" Any money given to SCP-001-J will mysteriously disappear.
Laconic Discovery: SCP-001-J was discovered in New York by a member of the O5 in an event where the O5 stopped SCP-001-J from stealing a bagel by telling him to stop and later bought SCP-001-J a bagel. SCP-001-J has since left the O5-1 17,000 voicemails asking for money.
Additional Context: The following addendum showed a series of transcripts of SCP-001-J asking someone named Adam for money.
